And at 16,I stumbled across another opportunity,and I earned my first acting role in a film.I can hardly find the wordsto describe the peace I feltwhen I was acting.My dysfunctional selfcould actually plug into another self not my own.And it felt so good.It was the first time that I existedinside a fully-functioning self —one that I controlled,that I steered,that I gave life to.But the shooting day would end,and I’d returnto my gnarly, awkward self. - Thandie Newton